My First Entry!

Well, were to start. I guess today I will just talk a little bit about me and my life.

Through out my childhood I had a hard time, Growing up at home was always good, even though we did not have a right lot of money for expensive things my mum did the best she could with us. I have 1 brother, David, he is now 24, and 1 sister, Shelley, who is now 22 and pregnant with her first child.

We grew up in Bradford and that alone should tell you exactly what life was like.

At school I got bullied something rotten. I hated life and had hardly no friends. I was always a loner and spent most of my time under stairs crying because I could not cope with all the hassle.

Then my mum moved us all to Keighley and we started school here. I did everything I could to make a better life for my self, so that I could enjoy school and not get bullied, as these things work, I still managed to get bullied. No one liked me and I had a miserable time there too, I had 1 great friend, Claire, she was my rock through everything and because she hung around with me she got bullied a little too. We ended up skipping school on a regular basis and obviously failed all our GCSE's.

After leaving school we both had a rough time trying to get jobs and ended up living day by day but not knowing how we managed to make it through. When I was 17 me and Claire were walking down to the chip shop with her little brother, it was good Friday, and this group of lasses thought it would be funny to attack me, after that I had to go through a series of tests and operations on my left ear in which resulted me to having my left ear drum removed over my 21st birthday! Hospitals take forever trying to solve problems with there patients.

At the begging of this year I had a really rough time, I left the home I was living in due to my depression and I am pretty sure neither of my mates could cope with me much longer, so there I was homeless for 3 months, I lost my job after 1 year and 6 months of working there and a very unfair dismissal. I was at an all time low and drank my self stupid just so the pain was not with me any more. I was travelling back and forth between Keighley, Shipley and Blackpool staying at friends and family's houses and at one point I was at the point in ending everything with a bottle of southern comfort and 16 anadin extra tablets, and so I started trying to figure out a way to get my life sorted, and my call came, when my sister and her partner moved out of my mums house I was able to move in so there I got settled. Through out the time spent in a slumber of drunkenness I wrote a series of poems to help me get it out, through time I will be posting some on here for you all to read.

Thanks to my wonderful sister I came through and stopped drinking, she said to me "your my sister, I love you with all my heart and I do not want to loose the bond with you like I feel I have lost with mum", now coming from Shelley, who does not talk emotions to anyone, That pulled me through, I knew I had to change and change quick before I lost her.

Well now I'm 23, I'm coping well with only one working ear, I still drink on occasion but not over the top, I have a fantastic partner that loves me and I love him so much too, I think? ha ha kidding, of course I love him. On top off all that, we are moving, finally going to get my own home and a dog too, I so can not wait to get a dog!!!!

I am excited about meeting my niece, Natalie Frayer Taylor, who is due the 26th December which is a wonderful Christmas present. My life is looking so much brighter, I still suffer from depression which bothers Joel quite allot seeing as how he is the one that takes all the brunt of it. I really do feel sorry for him, when I am having a good day, I tell him all the time that I love him. OK so nearly all the time ha ha. But honestly, I really do not know how or why he copes with all the crap I give him! I tell him constantly that he deserves better but he does not listen to a word I say.x

That's all I have for now, I shall be posting one of my poems on shortly.x Take care all, till next time.xx