16 Months Down the Line.x

I'm not very good at keeping up to my Blog, but my new years reselution is to try get at least one post a week on, I am now gunna rant and rave about anything that is everything, I'll talk of my struggles and worrys of motherhood and of every day life, I hope I do not bore you all stupid.x

Well it has been 16 months since I last posted (there or there abouts) My son Charlie is now 16 months old and is a right little man, he runs me ragged, it has been a really difficult ride with Charlie, when he was 3 months old it was his first Christmas, he was seriously ill, he had 2 types of Bhronchalitis and soon after that he had swine flu so we ended up staying 3 weeks in hospital for his first ever Christmas, it was horrible, we very nearly lost Charlie twice during his illnesses, but he pulled through, I spent many a day and night crying my eyes out but I had a select few people around me that was there for me and kept me held up (they know who they are so I wont mention names). Though these people were beyond fantastic with me I was petrified, I could not beleive that God would bless me with such a precious little thing and then take him away from me, I never dared to voice my fears of loosing Charlie because I didnt want people telling me not to be so stupid and weirdly enough I couldn't cope with people been nice to me, My wonderful farther in law often came in to see us and every time he walked through the door in to our little room I broke down, I broke down hard because I could see in his face that he was terrified of what would happen, he was trying to stay strong because he knew I couldn't be strong, as I write this down remembering all of this it has brought tears to my eyes, Keith if you ever read this I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for me, I thank you so much, you are a god send and im so honoured to have you in my life.x
Since his majour illness he has come on in leaps and bounds he is just like any other child his age but on medications (even now to this very day) but he gets by and is a happy smiley little lad.
We currently live at a friends house after been evicted from our old house due to having a dog and even though nothing was wrote in the half an A4 sheet of paper of a tenency agreement about not having pets we had to leave, we have been living with a friend and his 2 sons for over 2 months now and it is extreamly difficult, Charlie, Joel and I are having to share a bedroom which gives us no alone time, and sitting downstairs with everyone around alot is even really difficult because there is no privacy, so needless to say I am rather frustrated, please dont get me wrong, im so unbelivably grateful to have such a wonderful friend that has taken us in and given up his bedroom for us to use but I really want my own place again, with privacy were we can shut the world out and enjoy time just as a family.
We no longer have our beloved Doggy Eva, we had to reholme her due to living at a friends house and I miss her daily.x
There is a fair few issues I still suffer with in my own personal self but most of it has been hidden away and is not bothering me so much any more, though I have gone through more downs than ups since I last spoke on here I have been better able to handle them due to having such wonderful friends and family and of course Joel whome I love with all my heart, if it were not for him I can honestly say I wouldnt be here today.x
I am still extreamly paranoid, I often think that Joel's siblings do not like me, like im not a good enough person to be around, I spent alot of time looking after Barbara when I met Joel, I never knew her before her illness kicked in but I grew attatched to her, she needed looking after and needed so much attention I formed a ver serial bond with her and now that she has gone in to a home perminantly I feel rather upset at the fact no one ever asks me if I would like to go see Barbara at her home, They always tell me because of Joel and Charlie, I am part of the family but if that is true then why do I not get treat like part of the family (not including Keith in this) but no one invites me to nights out or to go see Barbara or anything, I do get invited to go to the house for lunch but thats it, not to sound like im a jelous cow but Naomi (Joel's brother's new wife) gets treat like family, long before she married in to the family she got treat like family, I mean for god's sake I gave them a new generation to the Grainger family and still nothing! It has really upset me and yes I have spoke to Joel about it and he tells me its nothing to do with likes and dislikes but I say plerghhh, if they dunt like me thats their choice but I'd rather know than not know.x
Over the next few days (when i have a spare 10 mins) I'll be gracing you with a poem I wrote for Joel before I even knew him.x
Rant over for now :-)
So for now I grace you all good night and Happy New Year.x