Well my saying I'll post at least once a week didnt pan out but in fairness to me I have been really busy, Joel and I finally got a house so we have been moving and we only got the internet put on yesturday so I do have a valid excuse hahaha.
Alot has happened (as it tends to when I do not report on here often), on the 14th of Feb I found out I am pregnant with our second Baby, Joel and I are excited though the following weeks from finding out have been horrible, I am suffering quite bad with sickness and tiredness with this pregnancy.
Charlie has been really hard work too which has not helped me at all.
Moving in to the new house was really good, Joel and Chris did all the work while I basically sat on my butt and made the brews and did a little bit of unpacking.
Since moving in to this house I have not had hardly any energy to do anything, I know it annoys people that I don't make an effort but right now I couldn't care less, I feel like crap so I'm not going to run around everywere and do everything everyone wants me to do!
Today Charlie has just been so much hard work, he has been really clingy and screaming and crying all day, he has been driving me around the bend. I noticed yesturday whilst changing him that his tummy and back is covered in tiny red spots, I did the glass check and thats all fine so I called on a few people and they all said the same thing, Chicken pox, What gets me is that it is only on his tummy and back so I am not too sure, I don't know if his mood is attached to these spots but I have had just about enough of his mood today.
Any who I am too stressed out to type any more now so now I'm back online I can post often again.x
Night people.x
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Monday, 6 February 2012
Screw This for a Lump of Lard....
These last few days have been horrendous, Lets start from Friday shall we...
Friday: all in all was a good day, had a nice quite day / night, Charlie went off to stay with his Grandad Keith, Joel and I went to do a few bits that needed doing before we went up to Sam's house for a few drinks which I really had a good night there, Sam was wonderful to talk to and bought a pizza for her and I to share which was really nice of her.
Joel Also phoned Manningham Housing AGAIN this day and they said they will be making the decisions start of to mid this week so hopefully we are still in with a chance.
Saturday: I woke to some really sad news from my sister, I was aware that my mum had been trying to ring me but at 10am on a Saturday morning after a night of drinking wine I was not ready to wake, that was until my sister text me soon after my mum had tried ringing me, Joel read the text which said and I quote "have you heard about Rory's dad, he passed away suddenly yesterday" Joel told me what the text said and me blurry eyed and still abit worse for wear went "your f**kin joking" I grabbed the phone and rang my mum who confirmed it (for those unaware, Rory is my mums boyfriend), I was heartbroken, I could not stop crying, More for Rory than Ian (Rory's dad) I got on really well with Ian and I certainly thought a lot of him but I did not know him long enough to actually know him, it is hard for me to believe that Ian and I was talking on facebook just a couple of days before.
Later that day I went up to see Rory and my Mum, took up a card and a box of chocolates (I've never had a death so close to me before so I didn't know what to do) Rory was in a right state, this is when I found out that it was around 6pm on the Friday evening that Ian died suddenly (we think heart attack) Rory and mum and left a half hour (ish) before this happened, and had just gotten home and put the fish and chips in the oven to warm up when they got the call, Josh (11 years old and Rory's little brother) had been sitting down to tea with Ian when Ian suddenly fell to the floor, poor Josh phoned for an ambulance and they talked him through how to do CPR on his dad, when the paramedics arrived Josh (bear in mind he is 11 years old) phoned his mum who came down and who then phone Rory who then went down too, it was just so sudden.
I still am struggling to get my head around the whole situation, I do not know who to process the fact that some one can die so suddenly and it scares me so much as my grandad is really ill and I am petrified that someone is going to be ringing me about him next.
Sunday: was a fairly quite day, I got up to utter piece and quite, Chris had taken Charlie to town, Joel had made me a nice cuppa and a cig, it was blissfully quite, for 20 Min's, then they came home, Charlie was all happy that he got to walk around rather than be pushed around in his pram. They had been back from town for a good half hour or so when Chris got up and pulled and Argos bag out from under the pram and passed it to me, I looked blankly at him thinking why have you passed me your shopping, he said open it, so I did, inside the bag was a Kindle E Reader, I was ecstatic, so happy, I actually said "OMG you never did" hahaha I can not believe he had gone out and bought me a Kindle, they are expensive at £90!
I went round to see Claire and David it was fairly late but I went for a cuppa to show off my new Kindle, David's friend Scott is staying there AGAIN and he was rather mean to me, he was really rude and I was annoyed that no one stuck up for me, I come home complaining to Joel about the attitude I got from both Scott and David while I was there, I asked for a second brew and Dave said no your going home and I said well I have come round to see my best mate next time shall I not bother and wait for her to come see me and Dave said yes that would be most appreciated, I was so angry and felt so unwelcome by my own brother and Claire did not say anything to him about him talking to me like that and she is supposed to be my mate!
Monday: it has been an eventful day today, Charlie has been hard work towards me all weekend and today was no different, he has been a little shit, I know that is an awful thing to say about my little lad but he has, with everyone else around him he has been all hugs and smiles but me, he has been horrible, smacking me, screaming at me and playing up so much so I had to go and sit in the kitchen just so he would be good, it breaks my heart when he acts like this towards me as I am the one that feeds him, changes him, puts him to bed and sings songs to him before I lay him down, yes I do tell him off more than anyone else which wont help my case, especially when I am been contradicted over everything I do with him but no one stands by me and says "hang on a minute, she is his mother, it is her right to tell him off and no one give him cuddles after or pays him attention or tells him she is a mean mummy" so on and so forth but no as per I am the one left to be the bad guy, the one that punishes for no apparent reason!
Claire rang me today to ask me if she could leave her House key with me so Scott could get in to her house after he finished work as her and Dave were going out, I was in town so I couldn't do it but now sat here typing up my weekend I am Glad I couldn't (sorry Claire if you read this) but after the way I was spoken to last night I feel why should I do a favour when I have not even had an apology from anyone about it, it was bang out of order and uncalled for, people wonder why I avoid my family like the plague, well now you know why!
It has taken me 3 and a half hours (as Charlie goes to bed at 9pm) to get the little sod to sleep, I am physically and emotionally drained after such a horrible weekend, I need a Holiday!
Going now to do my facebook games before I go to bed.x
Night.x
Friday: all in all was a good day, had a nice quite day / night, Charlie went off to stay with his Grandad Keith, Joel and I went to do a few bits that needed doing before we went up to Sam's house for a few drinks which I really had a good night there, Sam was wonderful to talk to and bought a pizza for her and I to share which was really nice of her.
Joel Also phoned Manningham Housing AGAIN this day and they said they will be making the decisions start of to mid this week so hopefully we are still in with a chance.
Saturday: I woke to some really sad news from my sister, I was aware that my mum had been trying to ring me but at 10am on a Saturday morning after a night of drinking wine I was not ready to wake, that was until my sister text me soon after my mum had tried ringing me, Joel read the text which said and I quote "have you heard about Rory's dad, he passed away suddenly yesterday" Joel told me what the text said and me blurry eyed and still abit worse for wear went "your f**kin joking" I grabbed the phone and rang my mum who confirmed it (for those unaware, Rory is my mums boyfriend), I was heartbroken, I could not stop crying, More for Rory than Ian (Rory's dad) I got on really well with Ian and I certainly thought a lot of him but I did not know him long enough to actually know him, it is hard for me to believe that Ian and I was talking on facebook just a couple of days before.
Later that day I went up to see Rory and my Mum, took up a card and a box of chocolates (I've never had a death so close to me before so I didn't know what to do) Rory was in a right state, this is when I found out that it was around 6pm on the Friday evening that Ian died suddenly (we think heart attack) Rory and mum and left a half hour (ish) before this happened, and had just gotten home and put the fish and chips in the oven to warm up when they got the call, Josh (11 years old and Rory's little brother) had been sitting down to tea with Ian when Ian suddenly fell to the floor, poor Josh phoned for an ambulance and they talked him through how to do CPR on his dad, when the paramedics arrived Josh (bear in mind he is 11 years old) phoned his mum who came down and who then phone Rory who then went down too, it was just so sudden.
I still am struggling to get my head around the whole situation, I do not know who to process the fact that some one can die so suddenly and it scares me so much as my grandad is really ill and I am petrified that someone is going to be ringing me about him next.
Sunday: was a fairly quite day, I got up to utter piece and quite, Chris had taken Charlie to town, Joel had made me a nice cuppa and a cig, it was blissfully quite, for 20 Min's, then they came home, Charlie was all happy that he got to walk around rather than be pushed around in his pram. They had been back from town for a good half hour or so when Chris got up and pulled and Argos bag out from under the pram and passed it to me, I looked blankly at him thinking why have you passed me your shopping, he said open it, so I did, inside the bag was a Kindle E Reader, I was ecstatic, so happy, I actually said "OMG you never did" hahaha I can not believe he had gone out and bought me a Kindle, they are expensive at £90!
I went round to see Claire and David it was fairly late but I went for a cuppa to show off my new Kindle, David's friend Scott is staying there AGAIN and he was rather mean to me, he was really rude and I was annoyed that no one stuck up for me, I come home complaining to Joel about the attitude I got from both Scott and David while I was there, I asked for a second brew and Dave said no your going home and I said well I have come round to see my best mate next time shall I not bother and wait for her to come see me and Dave said yes that would be most appreciated, I was so angry and felt so unwelcome by my own brother and Claire did not say anything to him about him talking to me like that and she is supposed to be my mate!
Monday: it has been an eventful day today, Charlie has been hard work towards me all weekend and today was no different, he has been a little shit, I know that is an awful thing to say about my little lad but he has, with everyone else around him he has been all hugs and smiles but me, he has been horrible, smacking me, screaming at me and playing up so much so I had to go and sit in the kitchen just so he would be good, it breaks my heart when he acts like this towards me as I am the one that feeds him, changes him, puts him to bed and sings songs to him before I lay him down, yes I do tell him off more than anyone else which wont help my case, especially when I am been contradicted over everything I do with him but no one stands by me and says "hang on a minute, she is his mother, it is her right to tell him off and no one give him cuddles after or pays him attention or tells him she is a mean mummy" so on and so forth but no as per I am the one left to be the bad guy, the one that punishes for no apparent reason!
Claire rang me today to ask me if she could leave her House key with me so Scott could get in to her house after he finished work as her and Dave were going out, I was in town so I couldn't do it but now sat here typing up my weekend I am Glad I couldn't (sorry Claire if you read this) but after the way I was spoken to last night I feel why should I do a favour when I have not even had an apology from anyone about it, it was bang out of order and uncalled for, people wonder why I avoid my family like the plague, well now you know why!
It has taken me 3 and a half hours (as Charlie goes to bed at 9pm) to get the little sod to sleep, I am physically and emotionally drained after such a horrible weekend, I need a Holiday!
Going now to do my facebook games before I go to bed.x
Night.x
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
What a great day.......
Today has been an excellent day, Charlie has made us all laugh with his face pulling, he is such a beautiful little boy, I woke up this morning and came downstairs to find that Joel and Chris had cut Charlies hair, no more curls, on the plus side at least he looks like a little boy now hahaha, Charlie has been very windy haha burping and trumping all over the place, every time he burped I called him a piggy monster and today he started spinning round in a circle saying "puddy" meaning of course "piggy" lol, he has just recently started the whole spinning thing in the last couple of days, I have no idea were he has picked it up from but it is very cute and I can not help but laugh at him when he spins too much and falls on his bum lol.
Joel and I have been getting on loads better, I love him so much and I always will, he is my rock and I do not know what I would do without him, tonight I was jabbing him in the sides and in his man boobs (hahahaha moobs) and he says to me "whats with all the violence" me been me said it out right "I am trying to get some attention" hahaha so that was it he started saying attention hey is that what you want and he pulled me over his knees and lifted up my top slightly and started blowing raspberries on my tummy and tickling me, I couldn't breath with laughter, it went on from there with play fighting and tickling and me been weired and pretending to suck on his nipples (over his t-shirt) and making slurping noises hahaha he says I'm a strange creature hahahaha gorra love him though, I have not laughed so hard in a while so it has made my day.
Still no word on housing front but I do not wanna depress my self so i wont go to much in to it because I'm on a high at the minute.x
I have had a fair few quite periods today too which has been lovely, Chris and Joel went to Asda for some bits of food and Charlie was in bed so I enjoyed the piece and quite for a while, and again later Joel went up for a nap and Chris went to his room to listen to his music so it was me and Charlie downstairs, Charlie was a blessing, he was watching the Disney Junior channel (his fave channel) and he had seen me get up to get his blanket so I could lay on sofa and wrap up as I was a bit cold, he comes trotting over to me and tries pulling his blanket from me so I lifted him up and tucked him up to me under the blanket and we laid there watching Mickey Mouse Club House and Special Agent Oso, it is the first time that he has come to lay with me for a long period of time, I was chuffed to bits he stayed there for 45 minutes just stroking my face while watching telly with me, bear in mind he is 17 months old in 2 days lol.x
I love my Charlie to bits, Joel and Charlie are the best things ever to happen to me, I am so proud of both of them and look forward to many more happy years with them.x
Good night for now.xx xx
Joel and I have been getting on loads better, I love him so much and I always will, he is my rock and I do not know what I would do without him, tonight I was jabbing him in the sides and in his man boobs (hahahaha moobs) and he says to me "whats with all the violence" me been me said it out right "I am trying to get some attention" hahaha so that was it he started saying attention hey is that what you want and he pulled me over his knees and lifted up my top slightly and started blowing raspberries on my tummy and tickling me, I couldn't breath with laughter, it went on from there with play fighting and tickling and me been weired and pretending to suck on his nipples (over his t-shirt) and making slurping noises hahaha he says I'm a strange creature hahahaha gorra love him though, I have not laughed so hard in a while so it has made my day.
Still no word on housing front but I do not wanna depress my self so i wont go to much in to it because I'm on a high at the minute.x
I have had a fair few quite periods today too which has been lovely, Chris and Joel went to Asda for some bits of food and Charlie was in bed so I enjoyed the piece and quite for a while, and again later Joel went up for a nap and Chris went to his room to listen to his music so it was me and Charlie downstairs, Charlie was a blessing, he was watching the Disney Junior channel (his fave channel) and he had seen me get up to get his blanket so I could lay on sofa and wrap up as I was a bit cold, he comes trotting over to me and tries pulling his blanket from me so I lifted him up and tucked him up to me under the blanket and we laid there watching Mickey Mouse Club House and Special Agent Oso, it is the first time that he has come to lay with me for a long period of time, I was chuffed to bits he stayed there for 45 minutes just stroking my face while watching telly with me, bear in mind he is 17 months old in 2 days lol.x
I love my Charlie to bits, Joel and Charlie are the best things ever to happen to me, I am so proud of both of them and look forward to many more happy years with them.x
Good night for now.xx xx
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Sometimes...........
Sometimes I wish that Joel, Charlie and I were just that, Joel, Charlie and I, I feel like I wish we didn't know anyone else at all in this world sometimes. If it was just Joel, Charlie and I then we wouldn't have anyone dictating how to do things, what we do with our lives and how to live our lives, we wouldn't have to put up with crap from other people, Joel and I would be lovers and best friends forever and ever without any interference what so ever from anyone else and be free to raise our little boy how we wanted.
Things are really getting me down (as you can tell) but most of all is the sad reality of things, we are still non the wiser about a house as the stupid housing association have postponed their decision making on the houses, we will not find out now till next week, I am so annoyed that nothing seems to be going in the right direction, people say have faith in the new year, new year new start and such like well I say screw you new year you done nowt but annoy the crap out of me!
Secondly I am drastically putting on weight ( it may be still to early to tell but so far I can safely say I'm not pregnant) I think the depression of been stuck in a rut and not knowing what the hell is going to happen is making me feel the need to comfort eat and as I do not get out much I am pretty much a couch potato!
My Little Fella is full of cold again, he was playing with his cousin Natalie when she was full of cold so naturally he caught it (as he has a weak immune system it was bound to happen), you may be thinking "well you know he is poorly and can get ill very quick so why do you not protect him from other people with colds"? well I'll answer, I do what I need to do to keep my family going and I had to go help one of my ladies in my Avon team, I could not take Charlie with me as he was asleep when I had to go so I called on my sister to come to me and sit in with him.
It is funny me feeling like I have to constantly explain my self to every one, I do with my so called family too, I can do nothing right for anyone especially when it concerns my OWN son! I do not know what I did in my past life to suffer so much misery in this one but I'm telling you what ever it was I'm so frigging sorry!
I do wish Joel would be a bit more tactful when talking to me because he makes me feel worse about my self, saying I have blown everything out of proportion and I personally do not think I have, at the end of the day I will not be told by some one else how to behave or how to live my life, I am me and if no one likes me for who I am then that is there problem, I have said it before and I'll say it again, I will not change for anyone but my self!
I do my up most best for my son, I would flipping die for him, he is my world and universe all rolled up into one little boy so anyone dare so much as hint towards saying I am not raising him correctly and you wont know what has flipping hit you! It is no ones right to tell Joel and I how to raise our son, we do what we feel is the best way. At the end of the day it is our prerogative as Charlie's parents to raise him how we see fit, it is not like he is a unhappy little boy, its not like we starve him or don't play with him, we do everything we can to teach him from right and wrong, he has everything he could ever ask for and much more! I would never dream of telling someone how they should raise their children so I expect no one to be telling me how to raise my Child!
If only life were so much simpler then I could be happier, I hate feeling the way I do, I hate feeling like everyone is out to get me and hurt me, I hate all the shit I had in my past because it has made me really paranoid about people, it has made me so I can not trust people to easy, I feel everyone will let me down.
I miss my Uncle John, he used to be there for me all the time, he was my best friend and helped me deal with the crap in my life, he was my shoulder to cry on and now since I met Joel nearly 3 years ago, my Uncle has not been around, he feels that now I have Joel I have some one else I can rely on but I don't, do not get me wrong, Joel is wonderful (when he ain't pissing me off) but he does not understand what I am going through there fore is no help to me at all, I want my Uncle back in my life I need him back in my life, I feel so lost without him, so scared and I don't know what to do.
It ain't like I can ring him as his wife hates me, I think she felt threatened by me, which makes me so frigging angry as it ain't like I'm gunna shack up with my frigging UNCLE for god sake, he is a wonderful man who knows what I have been through and what I am still going through so if she wants to be so frigging sick and pathetic then so be it but she can do it without taking away my best friend!
I feel really sad and depressed and have no one to talk to, I do not know any more, I keep going because of my gorgeous little man but it is difficult to remove all these horrible feelings from inside me, even more so when I feel like Joel don't even care about me!
Anyways, I have had enough for tonight now. I'm gunna go for a cig then bed I think! Ha great ending that lol CIG another thing Joel and I regularly get told of for doing! you would not think that Joel is 28 and I am 25 the way we get treat!
Night peeps.xxx
Things are really getting me down (as you can tell) but most of all is the sad reality of things, we are still non the wiser about a house as the stupid housing association have postponed their decision making on the houses, we will not find out now till next week, I am so annoyed that nothing seems to be going in the right direction, people say have faith in the new year, new year new start and such like well I say screw you new year you done nowt but annoy the crap out of me!
Secondly I am drastically putting on weight ( it may be still to early to tell but so far I can safely say I'm not pregnant) I think the depression of been stuck in a rut and not knowing what the hell is going to happen is making me feel the need to comfort eat and as I do not get out much I am pretty much a couch potato!
My Little Fella is full of cold again, he was playing with his cousin Natalie when she was full of cold so naturally he caught it (as he has a weak immune system it was bound to happen), you may be thinking "well you know he is poorly and can get ill very quick so why do you not protect him from other people with colds"? well I'll answer, I do what I need to do to keep my family going and I had to go help one of my ladies in my Avon team, I could not take Charlie with me as he was asleep when I had to go so I called on my sister to come to me and sit in with him.
It is funny me feeling like I have to constantly explain my self to every one, I do with my so called family too, I can do nothing right for anyone especially when it concerns my OWN son! I do not know what I did in my past life to suffer so much misery in this one but I'm telling you what ever it was I'm so frigging sorry!
I do wish Joel would be a bit more tactful when talking to me because he makes me feel worse about my self, saying I have blown everything out of proportion and I personally do not think I have, at the end of the day I will not be told by some one else how to behave or how to live my life, I am me and if no one likes me for who I am then that is there problem, I have said it before and I'll say it again, I will not change for anyone but my self!
I do my up most best for my son, I would flipping die for him, he is my world and universe all rolled up into one little boy so anyone dare so much as hint towards saying I am not raising him correctly and you wont know what has flipping hit you! It is no ones right to tell Joel and I how to raise our son, we do what we feel is the best way. At the end of the day it is our prerogative as Charlie's parents to raise him how we see fit, it is not like he is a unhappy little boy, its not like we starve him or don't play with him, we do everything we can to teach him from right and wrong, he has everything he could ever ask for and much more! I would never dream of telling someone how they should raise their children so I expect no one to be telling me how to raise my Child!
If only life were so much simpler then I could be happier, I hate feeling the way I do, I hate feeling like everyone is out to get me and hurt me, I hate all the shit I had in my past because it has made me really paranoid about people, it has made me so I can not trust people to easy, I feel everyone will let me down.
I miss my Uncle John, he used to be there for me all the time, he was my best friend and helped me deal with the crap in my life, he was my shoulder to cry on and now since I met Joel nearly 3 years ago, my Uncle has not been around, he feels that now I have Joel I have some one else I can rely on but I don't, do not get me wrong, Joel is wonderful (when he ain't pissing me off) but he does not understand what I am going through there fore is no help to me at all, I want my Uncle back in my life I need him back in my life, I feel so lost without him, so scared and I don't know what to do.
It ain't like I can ring him as his wife hates me, I think she felt threatened by me, which makes me so frigging angry as it ain't like I'm gunna shack up with my frigging UNCLE for god sake, he is a wonderful man who knows what I have been through and what I am still going through so if she wants to be so frigging sick and pathetic then so be it but she can do it without taking away my best friend!
I feel really sad and depressed and have no one to talk to, I do not know any more, I keep going because of my gorgeous little man but it is difficult to remove all these horrible feelings from inside me, even more so when I feel like Joel don't even care about me!
Anyways, I have had enough for tonight now. I'm gunna go for a cig then bed I think! Ha great ending that lol CIG another thing Joel and I regularly get told of for doing! you would not think that Joel is 28 and I am 25 the way we get treat!
Night peeps.xxx
Sunday, 29 January 2012
OH My Lord......
Joel will be ringing the housing people tomorrow to find out why we still have not been given a house, it has become really irritating now that they are taking there sweet time getting us a place to live and not accepting our applications for the house's we are bidding on, so much for been high priority huh! so more on the house hunting in the next few days.
I was informed yesterday by my friend Sam that she will be moving up in my area in like 5 weeks time so I am really excited about that, not only will I have a wonderful friend to see and hang out with but also Charlie will have a play buddy to grow up with and hopefully they will be really good friends, I hope so because Logan is a lovely boy who has a lovely mummy.x
I really can not wait for May, it is taking far too long now and it is taking so long because I am excited bout it, I mean Jeez what does it take for a girl to get what she wants around here!
Talking of getting what one wants, I asked Joel like 10 Min's ago to make me a coffee and he said in a minute and he still sat on his back side playing on the xbox! So bleeding annoying hahahahaha.
I Have hurt my wrist on my left hand side too so it is making it mightily difficult to type without hurting my self, Before anyone asks no i have not been "playing" with myself or anyone else, I sleep cuddling up to my doggy teddy and I hold his paw to fall asleep, last night I don't think I moved much which explains why my wrist is very sore and keeps clicking the bones together, hurts like mad, I went to the pound shop today to buy a wrist support and left the shop got the support out and it was miles too big (considering it was a size Medium) so for the first time ever I returned it back to the pound shop and got my £1 back lol, sad I know but I'm absolutely broke and can't afford to be chucking a £1 away.
Will have to go get one tomorrow though as my wrist is really bad and I can not take the pain much more, Joel keeps telling me to take some pain killers but I wont, possibly because on some level the pain makes me feel something!
I would never do anything to purposely hurt my self but if I have pain I'll put up with it for as long as I can as then I know I am alive and not just Living if you know what I mean! I went 3 days with a really bad headache last week and eye strain in my right eye before I took any pain killers hahahaha.x
Charlie is full of cold, he caught it from his cousin Natalie, I needed a baby sitter for an hour and our Shelley was the only person available so she came up with Natalie and obviously due to Charlies weak immune system he is highly prone to catching anything and everything from everyone so naturally he now has this cold and is a right nightmare!
I was informed yesterday by my friend Sam that she will be moving up in my area in like 5 weeks time so I am really excited about that, not only will I have a wonderful friend to see and hang out with but also Charlie will have a play buddy to grow up with and hopefully they will be really good friends, I hope so because Logan is a lovely boy who has a lovely mummy.x
I really can not wait for May, it is taking far too long now and it is taking so long because I am excited bout it, I mean Jeez what does it take for a girl to get what she wants around here!
Talking of getting what one wants, I asked Joel like 10 Min's ago to make me a coffee and he said in a minute and he still sat on his back side playing on the xbox! So bleeding annoying hahahahaha.
I Have hurt my wrist on my left hand side too so it is making it mightily difficult to type without hurting my self, Before anyone asks no i have not been "playing" with myself or anyone else, I sleep cuddling up to my doggy teddy and I hold his paw to fall asleep, last night I don't think I moved much which explains why my wrist is very sore and keeps clicking the bones together, hurts like mad, I went to the pound shop today to buy a wrist support and left the shop got the support out and it was miles too big (considering it was a size Medium) so for the first time ever I returned it back to the pound shop and got my £1 back lol, sad I know but I'm absolutely broke and can't afford to be chucking a £1 away.
Will have to go get one tomorrow though as my wrist is really bad and I can not take the pain much more, Joel keeps telling me to take some pain killers but I wont, possibly because on some level the pain makes me feel something!
I would never do anything to purposely hurt my self but if I have pain I'll put up with it for as long as I can as then I know I am alive and not just Living if you know what I mean! I went 3 days with a really bad headache last week and eye strain in my right eye before I took any pain killers hahahaha.x
Charlie is full of cold, he caught it from his cousin Natalie, I needed a baby sitter for an hour and our Shelley was the only person available so she came up with Natalie and obviously due to Charlies weak immune system he is highly prone to catching anything and everything from everyone so naturally he now has this cold and is a right nightmare!
Saturday, 28 January 2012
What to do...........
Today it is a nice peaceful quite day, My little lad is stopping out for the night (yes he is 16 months old) he is at his Grandad Keith's and Auntie Fran's. So I'm having a well deserved rest, He is getting loads better when it comes to his slapping, I say nice hands to him and he strokes my face, he is such a little cutie pie. His paddying is still a bit over the top but I can not help but laugh at his little face the way he screams and stops then screams and stops and so on and so forth lol, he is so funny.
As for getting a house, we were supposed to here Yesterday if we got a house (as a load of new builds have come up for rent) this is the second lot that has come available and for the second time we have been turned down, we are still living in 1 bedroom at a friends house and have been here since the end of October, it is getting bleeding ridiculous now and really need our own home. Joel is phoning the housing people on Monday and telling them how it is, if they still refuse us a house quickly then we are taking it to the MP as we are sick of been messed about, we are in a situation that is certainly not suitable for Joel, Charlie and I and as we are on High Priority on the housing list we should have been given a house by now.
On a happier note, my Canadian friend Amanda has booked her tickets to come over and visit me in May, she will arrive on the 2nd of May and I so can not wait for her to get here, she is a really good friend and I can not wait to meet her, I have known her on the Internet for 9 years and I finally get the chance to meet her.
Any way I am really tired so I think I'll go down for a nap, I know it is only 6pm but I need the sleep.x
Night peeps.x
As for getting a house, we were supposed to here Yesterday if we got a house (as a load of new builds have come up for rent) this is the second lot that has come available and for the second time we have been turned down, we are still living in 1 bedroom at a friends house and have been here since the end of October, it is getting bleeding ridiculous now and really need our own home. Joel is phoning the housing people on Monday and telling them how it is, if they still refuse us a house quickly then we are taking it to the MP as we are sick of been messed about, we are in a situation that is certainly not suitable for Joel, Charlie and I and as we are on High Priority on the housing list we should have been given a house by now.
On a happier note, my Canadian friend Amanda has booked her tickets to come over and visit me in May, she will arrive on the 2nd of May and I so can not wait for her to get here, she is a really good friend and I can not wait to meet her, I have known her on the Internet for 9 years and I finally get the chance to meet her.
Any way I am really tired so I think I'll go down for a nap, I know it is only 6pm but I need the sleep.x
Night peeps.x
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Ho Hum.......
I think I have a thing for depressing my self, I have no idea why I do certain things that I know are going to upset me and make me feel shit and insecure about my relationship with Joel. It seems to me that some people have issues with me and not talk to me personally about them, that is their choice and I will never enforce the issue but at least I now know!
I will never understand why it bothers me so much seeing messages to Joel from other girls from long ago, It don't help matters that Joel openly tells me that he had a "fuck buddy" when he met me and that he has been out with such and such and so on and so forth, which also makes me feel like shit. Not only that he is still extremely good mates with some and even though I know nothing will ever happen I still feel extremely shit cuz these lovely ladies are really good looking.
And as 2 really horrible people once said (behind my back and I quote the following) "she is an ugly fucker with minging teeth, has she never heard of a tooth brush, I'm surprised he is going out with her any way, he must be desperate for a shag if he does THAT! but he probably puts a bag over her head so he don't have to look at it" (quote ends) a few of the other lovely comments made by these horrid people are "cant believe I let her hug me, I had to wash my clothes for a whole week before they came fully clean", "no amount of plastic surgery will ever sort that face out" and "I thought she was a lesbian anyways"!!!!!
I know it is daft to feel this way over it considering he is with me and only me but after everything I have been through (and I know some people feel like my past should not be affecting me still) it bloody hurts me, I have issues about my self and I find it extremely hard to trust people.
It is extremely hard for me to get out of this depression and move on with my life.
If people actually knew every single bit of information about me maybe they would understand why I am the way I am, but I am not ready to discuss certain things in full detail yet, I am not ready for the world to know exactly how "damaged" I am! I have let people in to clips and snips of my past but not the full hogging story!
I hate feeling this insecure and I wish there was a way for me to change but I am who I am and I do not understand why people bother with me if they do not like me for who I am.
I am so upset that this is probably not making the slightest bit of sense but that's they way it is, it is my blog to help me get things out of my head and I can look back at it at a later date to see if I can't solve any issues! or maybe just to have a giggle at some of the things I come out with, who knows!
I just do not understand why some people can be so cruel, the quotes above are from like 2 years ago but looking back at them makes me feel like turd and like I am not worthy of having a wonderful man in my life, I feel like I should free Joel to go on with his life without been tied down to me!
Which brings me to another message I read! (I know I'm a frigging idiot) Joel was e-mailing his "ex fuck buddy" back in November last year and she had said "ain't you getting married" Joel replied "no had to abandon the plans as too skint" in which she replied "ahhhhh" and he replied back with "its fine at least I don't have to pay out a fortune for one day now!", Joel I know you will read this and that FUCKING HURT ME to read that, if you do not want to marry me then don't, just fuck off stringing me along on a pretence that you do wanna fucking marry me!
I have had enough for one night, Good night world.x
I will never understand why it bothers me so much seeing messages to Joel from other girls from long ago, It don't help matters that Joel openly tells me that he had a "fuck buddy" when he met me and that he has been out with such and such and so on and so forth, which also makes me feel like shit. Not only that he is still extremely good mates with some and even though I know nothing will ever happen I still feel extremely shit cuz these lovely ladies are really good looking.
And as 2 really horrible people once said (behind my back and I quote the following) "she is an ugly fucker with minging teeth, has she never heard of a tooth brush, I'm surprised he is going out with her any way, he must be desperate for a shag if he does THAT! but he probably puts a bag over her head so he don't have to look at it" (quote ends) a few of the other lovely comments made by these horrid people are "cant believe I let her hug me, I had to wash my clothes for a whole week before they came fully clean", "no amount of plastic surgery will ever sort that face out" and "I thought she was a lesbian anyways"!!!!!
I know it is daft to feel this way over it considering he is with me and only me but after everything I have been through (and I know some people feel like my past should not be affecting me still) it bloody hurts me, I have issues about my self and I find it extremely hard to trust people.
It is extremely hard for me to get out of this depression and move on with my life.
If people actually knew every single bit of information about me maybe they would understand why I am the way I am, but I am not ready to discuss certain things in full detail yet, I am not ready for the world to know exactly how "damaged" I am! I have let people in to clips and snips of my past but not the full hogging story!
I hate feeling this insecure and I wish there was a way for me to change but I am who I am and I do not understand why people bother with me if they do not like me for who I am.
I am so upset that this is probably not making the slightest bit of sense but that's they way it is, it is my blog to help me get things out of my head and I can look back at it at a later date to see if I can't solve any issues! or maybe just to have a giggle at some of the things I come out with, who knows!
I just do not understand why some people can be so cruel, the quotes above are from like 2 years ago but looking back at them makes me feel like turd and like I am not worthy of having a wonderful man in my life, I feel like I should free Joel to go on with his life without been tied down to me!
Which brings me to another message I read! (I know I'm a frigging idiot) Joel was e-mailing his "ex fuck buddy" back in November last year and she had said "ain't you getting married" Joel replied "no had to abandon the plans as too skint" in which she replied "ahhhhh" and he replied back with "its fine at least I don't have to pay out a fortune for one day now!", Joel I know you will read this and that FUCKING HURT ME to read that, if you do not want to marry me then don't, just fuck off stringing me along on a pretence that you do wanna fucking marry me!
I have had enough for one night, Good night world.x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
